Understanding Abuse in Sports
Grooming in Sport
What is Grooming?
Grooming is a deliberate process used by abusers to build trust with a person in order to manipulate, exploit, or abuse them. Abusers do this by progressively crossing boundaries in a way that is difficult to see because it is often masked as caring behavior.
When others witness the grooming behaviors and do not intervene, the behavior is often internalized as acceptable and part of the culture of the sport. Athletes can often accept the behavior as just part of the sport’s culture.
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Special Attention
Special Attention, Activities, or Gifts
A common grooming tactic in sport involves giving an athlete special attention, gifts, or exclusive opportunities. While these actions may appear caring or supportive, they can be used to build an unhealthy level of trust and dependency, creating opportunities for being alone with the athlete. This makes it harder for the athlete to recognize or report inappropriate behavior later on.
Abusers often create the illusion of a “special bond” or favoritism to gain emotional control. Athletes, coaches, and parents/guardians need to recognize the signs of an athlete getting special attention that is not consistent with the attention given to other players.
Examples of how this can show up in a sports environment:
- Offering private one-on-one coaching sessions without a clear, professional reason
- Personally buying the athlete expensive sports equipment, clothes, or personal gifts
- Taking the athlete on trips or outings unrelated to sport
- Giving the athlete special privileges not offered to others, such as extra playing time or relaxed rules
- For youth athletes, messaging privately with the athlete through any form of communication, including Snapchat, Instagram DMs, TikTok messages, WhatsApp, gaming platforms, email, texting, FaceTime, and voice or video calls.
- For adult athletes, any unprofessional, unrelated contact outside of team or sport-related communication.
- Sharing personal stories or emotional confessions to create a false sense of intimacy
Isolation
Isolating the Athlete Away from the Team, Friends, or Family
Deliberate isolation of an athlete from their usual support network can be a sign of grooming. This tactic is often used to gain control and reduce the likelihood that others will notice or question inappropriate behavior. By separating an athlete from teammates, family, or friends, an abuser can create a sense of dependency and make the athlete feel that they are the only person who truly understands or supports them. This can make it much harder for the athlete to seek help or recognize that boundaries are being crossed.
Examples of how this can show up in a sports environment:
- Discouraging the athlete from spending time with teammates, peers, friends, or family, or visiting or training at other facilities.
- Telling the athlete that others are jealous or don’t understand them, or creating tension between the athlete and their teammates
- Insisting on one-on-one meetings or private conversations away from others
- For youth athletes, scheduling extra training at times when parents or guardians can’t attend
- Undermining the role or authority of other trusted people in the athlete’s life
Physical Touch
Physical Touch that Crosses Boundaries
In sport, physical contact can be common and appropriate, often used for instruction, spotting, first aid, or explaining appropriate movements to prevent injury.
What makes grooming different is that it involves gradually introducing inappropriate or unnecessary touch under the guise of coaching or care. This tactic is often subtle at first and escalates over time, making it difficult for the athlete to recognize, challenge, or pinpoint when the boundary crossing begins.
People who groom to abuse may also use physical touch to test boundaries or desensitize the athlete, blurring the lines between safe and unsafe behavior. Coaches and all people with positions of power over athletes must maintain clear, professional boundaries with athletes at all times.
Examples of how this can show up in a sports environment:
- Touching areas of the body that are not necessary for instruction or support
- Using physical contact to “comfort” an athlete in ways that feel intimate
- Initiating hugs, massages, or other physical gestures without consent
- Making physical contact a condition of praise or reward (“you get a hug if you win”)
- Framing inappropriate touch as a joke or part of team culture (for example, slapping an athlete’s bottom as a celebration or motivation)
- Ignoring or downplaying discomfort when the athlete pulls away or hesitates
- Touching in private or when no one else is present
- Touching genitalia, breasts, or other private parts
Secrets
Encouraging Secrets
Encouraging Secrets
Abusers create a dynamic where secrecy is framed as a sign of trust or a “special” relationship, making the athlete feel guilty or disloyal if they share what’s happening with others. Over time, these secrets can become more serious or uncomfortable, isolating the athlete further and making it harder to speak out. In safe sporting environments, there is no need for private secrets between coaches and athletes.
Examples of how this can show up in a sports environment:
- Telling the athlete not to tell anyone about private conversations or messages
- Claiming that others “wouldn’t understand” or would “ruin things” if told
- Encouraging the athlete to hide gifts, texts, or time spent together
- Saying things like “this stays between us” or making threats of removing playing time or training benefits if they tell anyone
- Sharing personal or inappropriate details and asking the athlete to keep them secret
- Creating secret nicknames or inside jokes with inappropriate undertones
What is the “Observable and Interruptible” Rule for Youth Athletes?
A good tool for creating safer sporting environments is making sure that interactions are observable and interruptible. The “observable and interruptable” rule is a simple guideline often taught to help keep children and teens safe during interactions with adults or peers.
Here’s what it means:
- Observable: The interaction should be visible to others. It shouldn’t happen in private places or behind closed doors (physically or digitally). In online settings, this means keeping communication in group chats or on platforms where parents/guardians can be aware of conversations.
- Interruptible: The interaction should never be secretive or isolated. Other trusted adults or peers should be able to interrupt at any time. This discourages inappropriate behavior and makes grooming much harder.
Examples of this rule in practice:
- Conversations with individual athletes should happen in a hallway or open space where others are present, not privately in a room with a closed door.
- Digital communications between adults and athletes should happen in group chats or monitored platforms, not private DMs.
- One-on-one conversations in privacy with a child athlete should have the parent/guardian present
Establishing this as a shared value within your organization is powerful and empowers athletes to speak up when violations of these boundaries occur. This creates an environment of transparency and accountability that prioritizes athlete safety.
Abuse in Sport
5 Stages of Grooming
Abusers identify and select their targets based on ease of access to them or their perceived vulnerability. Athletes who are motivated to excel in their sport, are starting at a new training facility, and/or have limited support in their pursuit of the sport, have unstable familial relationships, and/or have a history of trauma are common targets.
In the context of sport, trust is immediately expected because of the hierarchical nature of the coach/sports doctors/sports administrators and athlete relationship. Sport has an inherent power structure and expectation that athletes will follow coaches’ directions. The sports systems are further built on a top-down hierarchy wherein athletes need the coach to give them access to play in a competition, the doctor needs to clear them for training and competition, and the administrator needs to grant them access to the sport and may control the sport resources.
Child and youth athletes feel like their parent/guardian trusts the coach to teach them. And for all athletes, the coach’s reputation and/or winning record may inspire trust.
Respect (listening and not talking back) is also immediately expected because athletes are taught not to question authority.
- Sexual abusers rely on their targets’ vulnerabilities or strengths to gain trust and access to their potential victims. This could look like someone saying, “You have great potential, but need more training with me,” or “you know you’re not as flexible as the rest of your team, let me help you.”
- They may also use social media and private messaging to develop a relationship outside of the sport with the athlete.
- The abuser may begin to isolate the athlete. This may take the form of offering transportation (which for youth athletes could be framed as taking the burden of transportation off the parent/guardian) and additional 1:1 time.
- Abusers may specifically exploit an athlete based on their needs, for example, by providing transportation for a youth athlete from a single-parent family, or by providing mobile phones or other gifts to an athlete without financial resources.
- Abusers attempt to gain the trust of a potential victim through gifts, attention, sharing “secrets,” and other means to make them feel that they have a caring relationship and to train them to keep the relationship a secret. The abuser may convince the athlete they understand them in a way that no one else does — they fill a void in the athlete’s life and make their target feel special.
- The abuser will give the athlete the attention they believe they want in their life, and by doing so, they develop deeper levels of trust and secrecy.
- Abusers will often start to touch an athlete in ways that appear harmless, like hugging, wrestling, and tickling. This touch can later escalate to increasingly more sexual contact, such as massages or showering together.
- Abusers may also show the athlete pornography or discuss sexual topics with them to introduce the idea of sexual contact.
- Physical touch might be confusing for the athlete as the coach may use physical contact to correct body position, form, or spot them when practicing. Spotting the athlete (especially in sports with high-risk movements) can be particularly confusing, as the coach may accidentally touch the athlete in an area that would be considered inappropriate, to prevent a fall and injury.
After the first act of sexual abuse, some abusers will become more aggressive in ensuring that the athlete will maintain secrecy and protect the abuser’s interests. Abusers will often give gifts to keep the athlete happy after abuse. The abuser may threaten the athlete with pulling them from competition, cancelling scholarships, or removing them from the team to maintain a position of control.
Coaches, It’s Your Job to Lead the Way
The way a coach communicates, interacts, and sets boundaries with athletes sends a clear message about what is and is not acceptable.
Grooming often goes undetected when behaviors like these are normalized:
- Asking athletes to keep a secret
- Giving special gifts to an athlete
- Communicating privately with athletes on social media platforms
- Sexual humor or comments, even meant playfully
- Physical contact that isn’t necessary for coaching
Even if intentions are good, the behavior can be harmful.
That’s why coaches and others with power in sport environments must become role models and examples of healthy and professional sport coaching relationships with athletes that leave no space for grooming behaviors and call out grooming behaviors as inappropriate.
By modeling this standard themselves, coaches send a clear message: boundaries matter. Coaches who commit to transparency help athletes feel safe, respected, and more able to speak up if something feels wrong.
Creating this culture means being proactive. It means educating yourself and your staff about grooming and abuse in sport behaviors, especially the subtle ones, and refusing to brush off questionable actions as harmless or “normal.” The Assist has developed resources designed to support coaches with the knowledge and strategies they need to build healthy sport environments.
When coaches lead with clarity and integrity, they protect athletes and build stronger communities of trust.
Explore our resources and take the next step toward building a safer, stronger team culture.
Understanding Grooming
How to Respond if You Suspect Grooming
Grooming often looks harmless, especially if the person causing harm is trusted or respected. It’s important to remember that even well-meaning behavior can teach athletes, especially youth athletes, to accept unsafe boundaries. Many abusers move slowly, so signs may be small and over an extended period of time. If you see grooming in sport, here are some steps to consider:
01
Discuss with Parents/ Guardians
If the athlete is a youth and is not your child, have a conversation with the child’s parents or legal guardian.
- Tell them what you witnessed. Clearly identify what felt inappropriate to you.
- Give them the tools necessary (like the resource you’re currently reading) in order for them to discuss this with their child.
02
Discuss with the Athlete
If you know the athlete and feel comfortable, share your concerns.
- If you observe the coach isolating an athlete, specifically ask them about that moment. For example, “I saw the coach pull you aside after making the goal. What did they say to you?”
- Especially when involving children and youth, use correct anatomical language when discussing abuse. This avoids confusion and helps show the athlete that you are open to talking about these difficult topics.
03
Set Boundaries
Enforce boundaries with the individual showing grooming behavior.
Some examples of protective boundaries are:
- Not allowing athletes to be alone with the individual
- Ensuring all sessions or meetings are audible and visible to others
- Increasing supervision during training, travel, or downtime
- Documenting (with details and dates) any concerning behavior
- Verbally interrupting the behavior
- Model the correct non-grooming behaviors with others on the team or in the sport environment
04
Report
Report the behavior to the manager or owner of the organization.
- Request a private meeting with the coach, manager, or club owner to raise your concerns clearly and calmly, focusing on specific behaviors you’ve observed.
- Ask what safeguarding measures are in place and how they plan to address the concern. You can request follow-up in writing if appropriate.
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